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Workout:
"Hansen"
Five rounds for time of:
2 pood Kettlebell swing, 30 reps
30 Burpees
30 Glute-ham sit-ups
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Schedule notice: 8am and 10am classes only today
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What's in a name? The Paleo diet, which indeed has many good aspects about it, is a misnomer. It's a great example of how words can be taken out of context. If you were to follow a true Paleolithic diet it wouldn't be the healthiest, or the most palatable. Actually, it would be quite jejune. Neanderthal man and early Homo sapien - both of whom existed during the Paleolithic era, yet we entered towards the tail end - lived, on average, only 28 years. Meat was a rare indulgence and had to be consumed quickly, for fear of predators and spoilage. Grasses, roots, seeds and seasonal berries (a treat) were the typical lot. Winters were long and bleak, so even foraging for these foods was difficult. But let's imagine, just for fun, what a true "Paleo lifestyle" might look like in this 21st century:
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You wake up based on your body's internal alarm clock - the circadian rhythm. As you get up from the floor (the landlord made you get rid of your grass-stitched twig bed, something about mites he said) you realize you can barely move your right leg. You look down at the large, sickle-shaped laceration on your inner thigh and see that it's infected. You curse yourself. In hindsight you should have opted for eating roots - lower sustenance, but also a lower risk food - instead of chasing after that stupid f-ing squirrel and slipping on the rocks. What's your boss going to say now? He's already pissed off that your constantly arriving late, even though you told him that you have to walk 10 miles. Your coworkers are beginning to look at you with bemusement. Word is they won't go to lunch with you anymore because of the way you ate that rare steak at Outback - holding and biting the thing like it was a chicken leg. Already they think it's funny how you don't have a chair in your cubicle. Last week corporate sent out a memo stating that no employees were allowed access to the roof; it probably had something to do with the time you brought in that archery stand. You asked management if you could bring in a tree stump to sit on during weekly overview meetings. They said absolutely not. Now you just squat at the conference table in protest.
The relationships outside of work aren't any better. Your mom thinks you look like Gary Busey's mug shot. Your girlfriend still won't talk to you after having rejected your employers' medical/dental plan. She was already furious over the fact that you threw away the Sonicare, opting for a chewstick instead. She says her cat has better breath than you, and he licks his ass. You begin to think that the only reason why you stay with her is because of that cat - he does most of your hunting. Last month he brought home two blackbirds and half a lizard.
On your way to work you look down at your leg. Shit. That loin cloth you used as a bandage is leaking puss and it smells. In a panic, you rip off your khakis and use this as a bandage instead. It seems to work. As you walk past a Walgreens, dragging your right leg like one of those stuporous zombies in Michael Jackson's "Thriller", you stop to stare at your reflection in the display window. You've only been trying this Paleo thing for 6 months, but you feel like a junkie trying to kick, and you're beginning to look like one too. Glancing up you notice a poster showing a bespectacled grandma; she's smiling holding up a box of ibuprofen. Did "Paleo man" have antibiotics? No, nice try though. Crude antibiotics wouldn't emerge until tens of thousands of years later in ancient Egypt - where they lived to the ripe old age of 35.
-Dalhberg
